my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
