And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
