I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
