i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
