Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize