TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
