Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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