Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
