fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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