Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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