This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize