Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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