Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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