I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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