Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
