He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize