I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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