we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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