I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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