i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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