I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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