sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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