no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
