you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
