I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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