Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
