sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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