Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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