she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
