There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
