a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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