So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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