Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize