i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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