Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
a search helicopter?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
