why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize