thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
