I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
