I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
