my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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