Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
