There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
