Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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