I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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