I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
