Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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