they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
