u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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