I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
