There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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