He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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