you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize