I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
