True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
