i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
