Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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