I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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