i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
