I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
