my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
