The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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